...lingering moments in the mind...

...a flashback... to a long-lost moment of connection... where love, and despair waged their cruel battle within our souls...

Hello sweet girl,

Glad to hear from you. Yes, I did spend a little time out in the misty nature, by the creek - where Prudence, Charlie and I once wandered in days of innocence.... interesting that you would suggest that. Something always tugs at me, makes me put on the shoes, coat - shuffle on out there alone, and listen hard. Sort of like listening for my own heartbeat.. I sometimes sense shadows of Rudy lingering, sniffing a fern...pausing to look at me, watching in case I should walk off somewhere, taking a drink from the stream....just being with me. I do miss her, and those warm spring days of her puppyhood. [heavy sigh..]

As for me - I still have to find my direction. I get overwhelmed with the different ways I could go, and end up choosing none. I just need to be alone for a good long while (3 months or so) so I can concentrate my thinking without any stimulation. My nerves are just so damn touchy and frazzled right now. But, I don't have that choice - so I've got to do the best I can. Basically, winter sucks!! And with no one to snuggle up with on the cold nights, life is a bitch. [wry smile here]

Please take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Eat right, get enough sleep, know you are talented and capable of anything. Write, write, write... and most of all, please, please don't worry so much. Don't let it get in the way of your writing. It's your gift to the world. Just remember that.

-love -p

ps: Remember Prudence's love, and let it comfort you.

Dear Pheer

I wrote to you last night, as soon as I hit the front door. I will send you this letter this morning. I don't know what to say--the second I think about it all I break down; Yes, Prudence, Trisha is crazy. Though this will probably mean nothing to you, I am sorry; I am very very sorry; I'm just so worn out, just like you. My discipline is flagging and my optimism is caught up in maelstroms of fear and a strange kind of terror I can't put a face to. It's so subtle some days and raging like a woolly mammoth on other days.

I am sorry; I feel terrible for you--yet somewhere I guess still so angry! And it's not your business!!! If this is my sore legacy of disappointment, why heap it on you like a sack of garbage? There are thorns in the web between you and me, and why is it I believe you don't have any registry of them? Or, no, you do. .. but somewhere there is foolish ignorance of how muddy---I panic with desperation.

Please, Phil, Please, go out into this day. Breathe the winter air. Be with the trees and the creek and all the places you used to play with Prudence and Charlie.

Forget yesterday ever happened. Please. Please. Please write me back, via Hotmail, and tell me you have been or will be with with mother nature today.

I will be OK, somehow there is a kind of delirium like a high fever I will pray to God to burn out of me. I need to find my peace, somehow. Please cast these pains aside and away from your physical body so you can get back to what you are doing, now.

Please. Trisha