a time for reflection... a time for healing...
--- warning to non-reader types... this is a long post ---
Tomorrow morning (actually, later this morning... since it's after midnight...) I head to Portland, where Trisha and I will get together as she returns her rental car to the airport. She's been up here since last Wednesday, when she flew into Portland from Oklahoma where she had been visiting her parents for the last three weeks. We'll spend one night there, and head out here to the coast for a bit of a breather for a few days... and time to catch up, and reflect... It'a a part of the story I haven't told yet... her return from baja, for the moment at least.
On September 21, I flew down to Cabo San Lucas on a guest pass on Alaska, where I rented a car and got a room at the lovely Los Milagros Hotel, hosted by our friend Sandra Scandiber. Trisha met me there that afternoon around 6 pm... the first time we had seen each other since May 22, the day I left baja with the four pups. This would be the beginning of our road trip together back to the States, with Nandi.
It was a really bittersweet time for me, since I was reminded once again of the depth of love Trisha and I still have for each other, and the raging inner conflicts about where we go with it, after a lot of years of uncertainty. Before she arrived, I took a drive back out to El Refugio for a bit of nostalgic salve for my heart. I didn't know how I'd feel, since so much had changed in my life since I left, and I had some residual anger towards Mariposa for somehow being the catalyst for Trisha's summertime romance. As I drove toward the ranch, all of that melted away, and I felt such a longing to be there... to see the dogs, the landscape, the casita Trisha and I shared, and, yes, Mariposa. I had thought to purchase a sack of puppy food and some bleach before heading out that way, as an offering, a token of my love, if you will. Mariposa was hanging laundry when I arrived, and she gave me a huge hug and I felt instantly as if I had never left. Some of the dogs were new, but many of them were familiar. I asked about Miss Gandhi, and Mariposa told me she was in the hospital due to skin problems. I went to see her, and she looked much better than I had expected, other than a patch of bare skin on her neck below her muzzle. We let her out, and I just hugged that dog. She had overcome the most incredible odds just to still be alive, and she was Elizabeth's sister and littermate. My mind immediately went back to the days when they were all little puppies, way back in March. To think of how healthy and beautiful Liz'beth is back at home, and how tough it's been on Gandhi... makes me sad. I wish I could have taken her right then at that moment.
I also went to see the casita, and stood inside for a bit, soaking up the lingering echoes of those days with Trisha and Nandi, and all the pups. The meals we cooked, the nightly hot water bottles, the funky shower, the patio and all our lavender mosquito coils we burned. I sat outside the door for a while, visualizing all the moments of the past. I went to the fence, and looked out over the neighboring ranch where Tequila and Minnie would run freely, like two little wild dogs. Our little rinky-dink barbeque grill still stood where we had left it. I just let it all soak in for a bit, then went for a little walk in the desert. Before leaving, Mariposa invited me to dinner, which I turned down because I had to head back to Cabo. We did share some Chilean red wine before saying our goodbye's, which left both of us in tears. I had to kiss Miss Ghandi hard before getting in my car and heading out the gate... I know I've got to go back...
When I arrived back in Cabo, I finally hooked up with Trisha. It was good to see her, to walk with her along the waterfront, and have dinner in the open air. We still have a connection that nobody will ever destroy, a deeply personal place in each other's heart, for which I'm grateful. After a night at Los Milagros, and the hospitality of Sandra's home cooking, we dropped in on another friend of ours, Diane Klein, who has a house on the outskirts of town, with a nice rooftop terrace and full view of the Cabo lights and ocean. There were a lot of laughs, kisses... and tears. Yet, it was clear Trisha was in a conflict over her recent experiences in Todos Santos... and we needed to come to grips with some resolution to... us. A really tough thing to do. That was one thing the trip was supposed to help us with... give us a chance to talk, say our 'good-bye,' if that's what it was to be. In the end, I wanted to get her safely back to the States, and leave her with the knowledge of my love, wherever she decided to go, and whoever with...
On the fourth day, we departed Cabo. The ferry trip from La Paz was like a magical time - we stood on the front outer deck watching the Sea of Cortez roll by as the sun set behind us. We talked, and hugged, and accepted each other's love and respect. In a way, it was an ending, and a beginning... all in one.
Once we hit the mainland at around 9:30 pm, we just hit the road north. The highway on this route is actually 4 lane tollroads most of the way, which is a pain every time you have to dig up $50 pesos or so, but much faster than the 2-lane Highway 1 down the length of baja. And I was surprised by how green and less hostile the landscape in Sonora was, compared with most of lower baja, which is quite covered with all forms of toughened cactus. But, I digress. There were a lot of checkpoints, mostly military, on the road - considering it's a main transportation route to Norte America and all kinds of trucks carrying who knows what make that trip, I guess I can understand it. We flew threw most of the checkpoints pretty easily, while most trucks and busses were pulled to the side for inspections... hmmm, Nandi is a good luck charm, and most Mexican cops don't really want to deal with dogs... so a couple of tourists in a Focus wagon can't be carrying too much of consequence, right?? Wave 'em on through... "buenos noches."
I found myself fighting sleepiness sometime after midnight, and made a couple of stops for coffee at gas stations... and that is how I found Tessa Maria (a.k.a. 'Rudy,' after my original 'Rudy,' Prudence.) The little pup was hanging out in the dirt lot next to an allnight convenience store next to a beat-up Pemex station, pouncing on crickets in the light of the gas station. After 45 minutes of feeding her steak and chicken, Trisha and I removing countless ticks from inside her ears, I decided I couldn't leave her there, and Trisha agreed. We both sort of fell in love with her right then and there, and so she entered my life. We named her Tessa Maria on the spot - Trisha came up with Tessa, and I added Maria, naming her after Trisha, who's first name is Mary. The little pup just snuggled up under the passenger seat and slept most of the way. We did get her to a veterinarian in Hermosillo for a bath, a consult, and a health certificate. Thanks to Dr. Tabare Monzalvo Curiel for his kind service, and cheap prices. He only charged us $10 US, but I gave him a twenty and told him it was worth it to me, and I appreciated his sincerity about not recommending vaccinations for the pup, yet. He could have just given her all kinds of shots and medicines, etc., but gave her a clean bill of health, and wished us well.
Rest of story, in a nutshell: We made it to Nogales, Arizona by that afternoon, and I promptly lost my wallet, complete with credit cards and $500 US cash. I know... separate the cash... but I didn't. After a futile search covering 25 miles of Arizona highways and byways, we decided to stay the night at a resort in Rio Ricco, just north of the border. In the end, we stayed four nights, with Nandi and Tessa (Rudy.) Trisha was trying to decide whether to drive to Oregon from there, with me, or drive to Oklahoma where her parents live, and make the journey to Oregon later. Finally, we decided I would fly from Tucson back home, with Tessa... and that's how that all turned out. Tessa flew with me inside the cabin, in a collapsible carrier Trisha bought for her. Fortunately the plane was less than half full, and it was a night flight. She slept the entire trip, and I couldn't believe how easy it was. All the airline personnel wanted to see her, and pet her, including the stewardesses.
The thing about all of this... Trisha and I still have our futures to figure out, and where we fit into each others' lives. There are a lot of memories, and a lot of love still remaining between us. Who knows from here, but I keep the faith somehow, that in the end we'll come together. It might take a bit of time, and some journeys separately before then, but love is a powerful thing, and keeps the heart hopeful.
Before I left her in Arizona, I gave my cellphone to Trisha for the rest of her trip. I had to smile a couple of days later when she called me to say she had lost the phone... not to worry, it's replaceable. I just took my older phone, and had the sim card reprogrammed, and other than a bunch of saved phone numbers, nothing much lost. More than anything, I felt badly for Trisha not having the phone for the trip, and for her feeling badly. I know the feeling, with the wallet and all.
I met her at the airport when she arrived in Portland last week with some of her winter clothes she had stored at my parents house. It was so good seeing her again, and we spent one night together at a friend's home in Camas, Washington, before I headed back home, and she drove to an aromatherapy workshop north of Seattle. It all brings everything up to today, and what will probably be our last visit of any consequence for a while. Trisha will come out here and stay a few days, hopefully get to rest, recharge her batteries, get a little home cooking, see all the baja pups, and she and I will have some private time to look into each other's eyes, and give what love there is... to the moment.
After that, only time will tell.
I'll be back with some pictures in the next few days...
Tomorrow morning (actually, later this morning... since it's after midnight...) I head to Portland, where Trisha and I will get together as she returns her rental car to the airport. She's been up here since last Wednesday, when she flew into Portland from Oklahoma where she had been visiting her parents for the last three weeks. We'll spend one night there, and head out here to the coast for a bit of a breather for a few days... and time to catch up, and reflect... It'a a part of the story I haven't told yet... her return from baja, for the moment at least.
On September 21, I flew down to Cabo San Lucas on a guest pass on Alaska, where I rented a car and got a room at the lovely Los Milagros Hotel, hosted by our friend Sandra Scandiber. Trisha met me there that afternoon around 6 pm... the first time we had seen each other since May 22, the day I left baja with the four pups. This would be the beginning of our road trip together back to the States, with Nandi.
It was a really bittersweet time for me, since I was reminded once again of the depth of love Trisha and I still have for each other, and the raging inner conflicts about where we go with it, after a lot of years of uncertainty. Before she arrived, I took a drive back out to El Refugio for a bit of nostalgic salve for my heart. I didn't know how I'd feel, since so much had changed in my life since I left, and I had some residual anger towards Mariposa for somehow being the catalyst for Trisha's summertime romance. As I drove toward the ranch, all of that melted away, and I felt such a longing to be there... to see the dogs, the landscape, the casita Trisha and I shared, and, yes, Mariposa. I had thought to purchase a sack of puppy food and some bleach before heading out that way, as an offering, a token of my love, if you will. Mariposa was hanging laundry when I arrived, and she gave me a huge hug and I felt instantly as if I had never left. Some of the dogs were new, but many of them were familiar. I asked about Miss Gandhi, and Mariposa told me she was in the hospital due to skin problems. I went to see her, and she looked much better than I had expected, other than a patch of bare skin on her neck below her muzzle. We let her out, and I just hugged that dog. She had overcome the most incredible odds just to still be alive, and she was Elizabeth's sister and littermate. My mind immediately went back to the days when they were all little puppies, way back in March. To think of how healthy and beautiful Liz'beth is back at home, and how tough it's been on Gandhi... makes me sad. I wish I could have taken her right then at that moment.
I also went to see the casita, and stood inside for a bit, soaking up the lingering echoes of those days with Trisha and Nandi, and all the pups. The meals we cooked, the nightly hot water bottles, the funky shower, the patio and all our lavender mosquito coils we burned. I sat outside the door for a while, visualizing all the moments of the past. I went to the fence, and looked out over the neighboring ranch where Tequila and Minnie would run freely, like two little wild dogs. Our little rinky-dink barbeque grill still stood where we had left it. I just let it all soak in for a bit, then went for a little walk in the desert. Before leaving, Mariposa invited me to dinner, which I turned down because I had to head back to Cabo. We did share some Chilean red wine before saying our goodbye's, which left both of us in tears. I had to kiss Miss Ghandi hard before getting in my car and heading out the gate... I know I've got to go back...
When I arrived back in Cabo, I finally hooked up with Trisha. It was good to see her, to walk with her along the waterfront, and have dinner in the open air. We still have a connection that nobody will ever destroy, a deeply personal place in each other's heart, for which I'm grateful. After a night at Los Milagros, and the hospitality of Sandra's home cooking, we dropped in on another friend of ours, Diane Klein, who has a house on the outskirts of town, with a nice rooftop terrace and full view of the Cabo lights and ocean. There were a lot of laughs, kisses... and tears. Yet, it was clear Trisha was in a conflict over her recent experiences in Todos Santos... and we needed to come to grips with some resolution to... us. A really tough thing to do. That was one thing the trip was supposed to help us with... give us a chance to talk, say our 'good-bye,' if that's what it was to be. In the end, I wanted to get her safely back to the States, and leave her with the knowledge of my love, wherever she decided to go, and whoever with...
On the fourth day, we departed Cabo. The ferry trip from La Paz was like a magical time - we stood on the front outer deck watching the Sea of Cortez roll by as the sun set behind us. We talked, and hugged, and accepted each other's love and respect. In a way, it was an ending, and a beginning... all in one.
Once we hit the mainland at around 9:30 pm, we just hit the road north. The highway on this route is actually 4 lane tollroads most of the way, which is a pain every time you have to dig up $50 pesos or so, but much faster than the 2-lane Highway 1 down the length of baja. And I was surprised by how green and less hostile the landscape in Sonora was, compared with most of lower baja, which is quite covered with all forms of toughened cactus. But, I digress. There were a lot of checkpoints, mostly military, on the road - considering it's a main transportation route to Norte America and all kinds of trucks carrying who knows what make that trip, I guess I can understand it. We flew threw most of the checkpoints pretty easily, while most trucks and busses were pulled to the side for inspections... hmmm, Nandi is a good luck charm, and most Mexican cops don't really want to deal with dogs... so a couple of tourists in a Focus wagon can't be carrying too much of consequence, right?? Wave 'em on through... "buenos noches."
I found myself fighting sleepiness sometime after midnight, and made a couple of stops for coffee at gas stations... and that is how I found Tessa Maria (a.k.a. 'Rudy,' after my original 'Rudy,' Prudence.) The little pup was hanging out in the dirt lot next to an allnight convenience store next to a beat-up Pemex station, pouncing on crickets in the light of the gas station. After 45 minutes of feeding her steak and chicken, Trisha and I removing countless ticks from inside her ears, I decided I couldn't leave her there, and Trisha agreed. We both sort of fell in love with her right then and there, and so she entered my life. We named her Tessa Maria on the spot - Trisha came up with Tessa, and I added Maria, naming her after Trisha, who's first name is Mary. The little pup just snuggled up under the passenger seat and slept most of the way. We did get her to a veterinarian in Hermosillo for a bath, a consult, and a health certificate. Thanks to Dr. Tabare Monzalvo Curiel for his kind service, and cheap prices. He only charged us $10 US, but I gave him a twenty and told him it was worth it to me, and I appreciated his sincerity about not recommending vaccinations for the pup, yet. He could have just given her all kinds of shots and medicines, etc., but gave her a clean bill of health, and wished us well.
Rest of story, in a nutshell: We made it to Nogales, Arizona by that afternoon, and I promptly lost my wallet, complete with credit cards and $500 US cash. I know... separate the cash... but I didn't. After a futile search covering 25 miles of Arizona highways and byways, we decided to stay the night at a resort in Rio Ricco, just north of the border. In the end, we stayed four nights, with Nandi and Tessa (Rudy.) Trisha was trying to decide whether to drive to Oregon from there, with me, or drive to Oklahoma where her parents live, and make the journey to Oregon later. Finally, we decided I would fly from Tucson back home, with Tessa... and that's how that all turned out. Tessa flew with me inside the cabin, in a collapsible carrier Trisha bought for her. Fortunately the plane was less than half full, and it was a night flight. She slept the entire trip, and I couldn't believe how easy it was. All the airline personnel wanted to see her, and pet her, including the stewardesses.
The thing about all of this... Trisha and I still have our futures to figure out, and where we fit into each others' lives. There are a lot of memories, and a lot of love still remaining between us. Who knows from here, but I keep the faith somehow, that in the end we'll come together. It might take a bit of time, and some journeys separately before then, but love is a powerful thing, and keeps the heart hopeful.
Before I left her in Arizona, I gave my cellphone to Trisha for the rest of her trip. I had to smile a couple of days later when she called me to say she had lost the phone... not to worry, it's replaceable. I just took my older phone, and had the sim card reprogrammed, and other than a bunch of saved phone numbers, nothing much lost. More than anything, I felt badly for Trisha not having the phone for the trip, and for her feeling badly. I know the feeling, with the wallet and all.
I met her at the airport when she arrived in Portland last week with some of her winter clothes she had stored at my parents house. It was so good seeing her again, and we spent one night together at a friend's home in Camas, Washington, before I headed back home, and she drove to an aromatherapy workshop north of Seattle. It all brings everything up to today, and what will probably be our last visit of any consequence for a while. Trisha will come out here and stay a few days, hopefully get to rest, recharge her batteries, get a little home cooking, see all the baja pups, and she and I will have some private time to look into each other's eyes, and give what love there is... to the moment.
After that, only time will tell.
I'll be back with some pictures in the next few days...
posted by Phil at 2:20 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Thanks for your thoughts, they are very meaningful to me...
I know how it feels to be numb inside, and how it colors everything about the world... but, try to remember that life consists of cyclical energies, and always seeks a balance in the end. Your 'blank' period will inevitably be replaced with joy and fulfillment, perhaps many time in your life. I can tell you are a deeply feeling person, or you wouldn't even care what I, a stranger, have been experiencing. Don't ever give up, my friend. Life itself is a precious gift.
PS: Keep the blog going, seeker. Just write whatever comes to your mind, and take a chance... I know it isn't easy sometimes, but there are people who take notice, even if you don't hear from them...
Thanks again for your spiritual energy and support... -phil
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